As a mother of a 4 year old and a 12 year old, I’ve thought a lot about the Santa myth and when is the right time to tell children the full truth. I don’t see perpetuating the Santa legend as lying to children. Rather, I see it as participating in a beloved cultural tradition that sparks wonder, imagination, and holiday magic.

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When Alex first started understanding the concept of Santa at age 3, I focused on the spirit of giving. We talked about how Santa represents people being kind and generous during the holidays. As Alex gets older, I plan to gradually introduce the idea that the Santa legend represents the spirit of holiday giving, but that parents and loved ones are actually playing the role of Santa.

According to child psychology experts, children between ages 6-8 often start questioning if Santa is real on their own. Rather than a point-blank statement that Santa doesn’t exist, experts recommend having an open conversation where you allow the child to voice their own doubts and theories. Then you can explain the cultural tradition without completely extinguishing the sense of holiday wonder.

As one example, Dr. Victoria Talwar, in her book Children’s Lies and Truths (Morgan & Claypool Publishers, 2021), recommends saying something like “What do you think about Santa?” Allowing them to express their own views first makes them more receptive to hearing your explanation.

No matter when or how you have the Santa conversation, focusing on the positive spirit of the tradition is key. The magic and wonder can remain, even when children understand the full truth. With open, age-appropriate communication and lots of holiday cheer, you can preserve the Santa tradition without compromising trust.